On Technology

I recently lost the laptop lottery.

You know how it goes. You buy a laptop and it’s either really good, and you have no issues with it, or within fifteen months you have the hard drive and the motherboard die. (The latter out of warranty.)

My MacBook lasted me four years before the hard drive went, and once I reinstalled OSX Lion, it was faster than ever, and had none of my previous files. But then it was time for a new laptop and I got a pretty red one that had its hard drive die at nine months and the motherboard at fifteen. I’m not naming that brand because I’m still sort of peeved with them.

Reluctantly, I decided that my need for portability dictated that I find some way to replace that laptop, so I began looking. I was considering getting a tablet and a keyboard, because my main need for said portability was the desire to travel and write. Coffee shops, bookstores (now that I don’t work at the only major bookstore in town, this is an option again,) and the like. Because my last laptop now functions only when plugged in, and will DIE IMMEDIATELY should the power cord be knocked loose, that wasn’t an option.

So I was considering a 7″ tablet, wondering if I could handle writing on such a small screen. Then I started looking at the Google Chromebooks, and I started to feel hopeful again for the first time since hanging up the phone with the maker of my previous laptop’s tech support.

The Samsung Chromebook

I researched the hell out of it, and looked into what a Chromebook can and cannot do. In some respects, this is a serious downgrade. The only apps that will work on the machine are those from the Chrome store. However, I was forced to seriously consider what I used my computer for. I’d like to say it was a machine used for productivity, but 99% of the time, I’m browsing the internet. When I’m not, I’m writing.

I could easily survive on a Chromebook.

So I bought one. Yesterday. $250 for a computer the same weight of a MacBook Air, and almost as thin. It’s no MacBook Air, of course, but it was only a quarter of the cost. Literally. All reviews seem to agree that the machine gets at least six hours of battery life, often more. Everything I work on with this thing is stored on the cloud. So if it dies? Once I stop crying, at least I know that I can back it up with ease.

And it took me only thirty seconds from hitting power to the time I was set up and ready to go.

I’m a fan of technology, but I’m really a fan of affordable technology. I may have downgraded to a Google Chromebook in some aspects, but the fact that this machine doesn’t come with all of the superfluous extras that other systems use. It’s a specific machine, but it’s all I needed.

Now, all I need is for it to NOT DIE. EVER.

Changes

I know, I know. It’s difficult to trust anything posted on this particular date. But I promise, there’s no April Fool’s day joke here. I’ve made a pretty big change in my life recently.

For the last two weeks, I had been going back and forth between two jobs. Friday, I served my last day at the bookstore. Today I had my first official day as “full-time” at my new employer. Considering that I make it a point not to write about work for obvious reasons, I’ll simply refer to this new job as the Not-Retail Job.

(Hallelujah!)

I had been looking to find somewhere with a regular schedule (read: not retail) and full-time hours. I also wanted somewhere I could stay with long-term. I believe I’ve found it at the Not-Retail Job. Either way, it’s the first time in seven years that I’ve had a new job. That’s both exciting and terrifying. Mostly exciting.

So, excuse me for not having been around much lately. I’m hoping that I set into a regular schedule, my blogging will return to normal. Which is to say, a flurry of posts all at once, and then nothing for months at a time.

When I put it that way, this is just par for the course.

Minimalist Writing Software

First, a disclaimer. I’m not getting paid to promote this software. That would be nice, but unrealistic. Nor was I asked to promote this software. I’m merely doing so because these are programs that I’ve found extraordinarily useful and I wanted to tell you about them in case you’ve ever wondered, “Is there something better than Microsoft Word to write stories with?” Yes. Yes there is.

Alright, now onto the actual blog post.

I am easily distracted and I like pretty things. I’m the sort of person who judges a book by it’s cover, because a beautiful cover is beautiful. I know that particular saying isn’t literally about books or their covers but when it does come to actual books, I’m guilty as charged.

The point is, if I’m writing something, like a novel for National Novel Writing Month or the project that I’m working on now, I’ll be staring at my computer screen for hours at a time. So I want the program I’m using to be uncluttered and relatively aesthetically pleasing to my judging eyes.

Basic word processors like Microsoft Word do not fit that description.

When I had my MacBook I used Jer’s Novel Writer because it was simple, with a few useful features without going overboard, unlike many of the novel writing programs out there. If you’re on a Mac and looking for such a program, I’d suggest you check it out. (Although it looks like Jer is revamping his site, so you can get screenshots of the program here.)

Alas, I have replaced my Mac with a PC and so I needed something that would work with Windows. I’ve found two programs, both available for free with the option of donating. Both of which I have donated to, because I find them that useful. They are OmmWriter and WriteMonkey.

Ommwriter

OmmWriter is a full-screen editor that allows you to write distraction-free. There’s no option to write in anything other than full-screen. It’s beautiful, with a few simple backgrounds to choose from, optional white noise and typing sounds. When I’m in a focused mood, I can write for hours without clicking over to the internet, because I’m enjoying the experience of writing.

This is essentially it. Simple and gorgeous.
(Click for larger image.)

Once you’ve been typing for a while, the options disappear.

I love Ommwriter. But I’m not always disciplined enough to work in full-screen mode with no escape, and with my current project I’m writing in a less linear fashion, so I needed the option to be able to jump from section to section quickly without scrolling. After some searching, I found WriteMonkey.

WriteMonkey

With more functionality, WriteMonkey still has a minimalist approach that allows me to focus on what’s most important, whatever it is I’m writing, but includes important features like spell check. A complete menu can be found in WriteMonkey by right clicking, but most of the commands are easily accessible using keyboard shortcuts, a very nice touch.

WriteMonkey in standard mode.

WriteMonkey in full-screen mode.

It has standard and full-screen modes, so I can flip between them depending on how ADD I’m feeling. Headings and bookmarks allow me to travel to a section with a click, rather than scrolling. It’s not quite as pretty as OmmWriter, but it has very useful features that I definitely needed.

Both of these programs are available for Windows, and OmmWriter is also available for Macs and iPads.

For those of you writers out there, what programs do you use?

On Writing

There are few things more terrifying and also as infuriating as a blank document and that silly blinking cursor. With every disappearance followed by it’s immediate return, that cursor is taunting me.

“You haven’t written anything yet. Look at this blank page,” it says. “Look at how alone I am in this blizzard of nothingness that currently occupies your screen. You want to write something, to fill this page up with words, but you can’t, can you? You have NOTHING to say!”

Yep, it may seem like a harmless cursor, but don’t be fooled. That bastard is evil.

I’m not sure why I find writing so intimidating. I write in my head all day long, with ideas competing with each other for my attention. Maybe the problem is that this quickly escalates into a death match, and by the time the last idea standing is declared victorious, it’s been beaten to a bloody pulp, and is unpleasant to contemplate any further.

I’m really not quite sure.

However, all that being said, I’ve been writing lately. This is one of those things that I wanted to focus on in 2013, and I’m doing just that. I wish I could tell you that I was writing well, or consistently, but either of those things would be a lie.

On the other hand, I am honing my procrastination skills to an extraordinary degree. Last week I marathoned all of the Beautiful Creatures series by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl, reading four books in five days. And I’ve played approximately 1,483 games of solitaire on my phone.

Or 252 games of Solitaire… I was close!

I do not know why I’ve become addicted to solitaire, other than I have a better chance of winning than in any game that requires hand-eye coordination. Like Temple Run. I have enough reasons to be terrified of monkeys (see The Wizard of Oz) without having them chasing me in a game that I’ll eventually lose and then the monkeys will come and eat me. If you’ve never heard of Temple Run, now you know what it’s about. Evil monkeys.

Anyway, I’ve been writing down some stories from over a decade ago, all true, and that’s been a difficult process. Writing about real events is terrifying because one, there are real people involved and two, I barely remember what I had for lunch much less what I had for lunch in 2002. I’ve been reading Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) by Jenny Lawson (aka The Bloggess) for inspiration. I think it’s working. I also think I need a giant, metal chicken.

What I’ve come to realize through this process is that solitaire is not an exciting game and Jenny Lawson is amazing.

Oh, and that writing only gets done when I sit down and force myself to write. Imagine that.

And with that, I’m going to get back to writing.

Muscle Hamsters, Troll Dolls, and Butterflies That Are Still Freaking Scary

Hello, everyone! It’s time for fun with statistics! Yay statistics!

So, as anyone who has ever had a website or blog knows, you can track how many people see the site in question, how they get there, and often, if they arrived through a search engine, what key words they used that brought them to your site. On a blog where you write about various things, this can get rather interesting. Or, you know, it could unintentionally scare you because you’re ridiculous, as I have been known to be.

WordPress offers this on a stats page for each blog, and I was looking at those stats today; particularly the keywords that lead people here the most. I present them to you now, for your amusement.

The Top 10 Search Results That Lead People To This Blog

10. Steve Miller Band Joker – If someone searches for this, they’ll find the post in which I detail how Steve Miller Band, Elton John and Neil Diamond nearly drove me to the brink of insanity. Or at the very least, tears.

Recipe For Disaster

9. Cipher in the Snow – No doubt anyone searching out the title of this LDS production was as psychologically scarred as I was as a child when I watched it in school. I understand your pain. Really, I do.

8. Stevie Johnson Why So Serious – I traded for Stevie Johnson in my Fantasy Football League this year. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who appreciated this:

WHY SO SERIOUS?

7. What A Slut Time Is – This is a reference to The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, which is currently my favorite book, and has been since I first read it. The full quote is, “What a slut time is. She screws everybody.” Incidentally, I need to reread the book, slowly this time, since I know how it ends.

6. Who Is Jenny Beckman? – Well, that’s the question, isn’t it? I can’t tell you, but if you watch 500 Days of Summer you might* have somewhat of an idea.

5. How To Draft A Fantasy Football Team – This particular search spikes each year before the NFL season begins. People playing The Greatest Imaginary Game Ever turn to Google for advice, and Google sends them here and here. So if you took my advice, I apologize. Unless you win your league. Then I say, “You’re welcome.”

4. Fear Of Butterflies – So apparently I’m not the only one with this irrational phobia. But this is a good time to mention that way further down the list of keywords, things become a little more sinister:

That looks like Arabic, I thought to myself. I wonder what it means. So, I naturally copy and pasted it into Google:

No. Freaking. Way.

3. Arian Foster – In round seven of my first ever Fantasy Football draft, I picked Arian Foster. He would go on to lead all running backs in fantasy points that season. But I just picked him because there was a photo of him (at least I think it’s him) where he looked like a teddy bear in need of a hug.

Arian Foster?

2. Troll Dolls – One time I wrote about my love of the Detroit Red Wings, how I became a fan, the ups and downs of my history with the team, through triumph and tragedy. But the number one reason people find that post is because I posted a photo of troll dolls. Seriously.

Creepy troll dolls are creepy.

And that brings us to…

1. Muscle Hamster – This is the nickname given to Doug Martin, who was on my Fantasy Football team this past year, where I came in third. Sometimes people specify that they’re looking for him by searching “Muscle Hamster Doug Martin” but other times, I think they’re really looking for this guy:

Muscle Hamster

And that, my friends, is a nice demonstration of the mighty powers of Google.

*The movie is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Especially any resemblance to Jenny Beckman.