Hello, everyone! It’s time for fun with statistics! Yay statistics!
So, as anyone who has ever had a website or blog knows, you can track how many people see the site in question, how they get there, and often, if they arrived through a search engine, what key words they used that brought them to your site. On a blog where you write about various things, this can get rather interesting. Or, you know, it could unintentionally scare you because you’re ridiculous, as I have been known to be.
WordPress offers this on a stats page for each blog, and I was looking at those stats today; particularly the keywords that lead people here the most. I present them to you now, for your amusement.
The Top 10 Search Results That Lead People To This Blog
10. Steve Miller Band Joker – If someone searches for this, they’ll find the post in which I detail how Steve Miller Band, Elton John and Neil Diamond nearly drove me to the brink of insanity. Or at the very least, tears.
9. Cipher in the Snow – No doubt anyone searching out the title of this LDS production was as psychologically scarred as I was as a child when I watched it in school. I understand your pain. Really, I do.
8. Stevie Johnson Why So Serious – I traded for Stevie Johnson in my Fantasy Football League this year. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who appreciated this:
7. What A Slut Time Is – This is a reference to The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, which is currently my favorite book, and has been since I first read it. The full quote is, “What a slut time is. She screws everybody.” Incidentally, I need to reread the book, slowly this time, since I know how it ends.
6. Who Is Jenny Beckman? – Well, that’s the question, isn’t it? I can’t tell you, but if you watch 500 Days of Summer you might* have somewhat of an idea.
5. How To Draft A Fantasy Football Team – This particular search spikes each year before the NFL season begins. People playing The Greatest Imaginary Game Ever turn to Google for advice, and Google sends them here and here. So if you took my advice, I apologize. Unless you win your league. Then I say, “You’re welcome.”
4. Fear Of Butterflies – So apparently I’m not the only one with this
irrational phobia. But this is a good time to mention that way further down the list of keywords, things become a little more sinister:
That looks like Arabic, I thought to myself. I wonder what it means. So, I naturally copy and pasted it into Google:
3. Arian Foster – In round seven of my first ever Fantasy Football draft, I picked Arian Foster. He would go on to lead all running backs in fantasy points that season. But I just picked him because there was a photo of him (at least I think it’s him) where he looked like a teddy bear in need of a hug.
2. Troll Dolls – One time I wrote about my love of the Detroit Red Wings, how I became a fan, the ups and downs of my history with the team, through triumph and tragedy. But the number one reason people find that post is because I posted a photo of troll dolls. Seriously.
And that brings us to…
1. Muscle Hamster – This is the nickname given to Doug Martin, who was on my Fantasy Football team this past year, where I came in third. Sometimes people specify that they’re looking for him by searching “Muscle Hamster Doug Martin” but other times, I think they’re really looking for this guy:
And that, my friends, is a nice demonstration of the mighty powers of Google.
*The movie is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Especially any resemblance to Jenny Beckman.